Should Kids Be Taught to Pray?

Should children be taught to pray even if they haven't professed faith? Yes. I think we should teach our children to pray as soon as they can say anything. The first words they should say are, "Dear Jesus, thank you."

I say this is because I can't discern when a child is being spiritually wrought upon by the Lord. I don't put much stock in children's professions of faith. They seem to come and go. What matters is whether or not they have been born again.

I don't know when a child is born again. I don't assume that a child must become a blatant rebellious unbeliever before he is regenerated. He can start to believe at a young age. And because he can believe at a young age, and because I can't tell precisely when his faith becomes his own and authentic, I don't want to wait too long before I start treating him as a believer.

Also, practically, it seems right to put the vocabulary of prayer into a child's mouth from the very beginning. That way, when his faith is born, he has a whole vocabulary, orientation, and habit that the Lord can use.

It would be very awkward or even cruel to leave your child out of family worship or prayer. You should take his hand around the dinner table and have him bow his head too. You would never tell your child that he isn't included in the prayer because he is a pagan. You can't treat your children that way.

You have to build the disciplines of the Christian life into your children from the beginning, all the while praying that they are going to grow up and mean what they say. They may mean it at age 2. You just don't know.

By John Piper

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How Effective Is Spanking as Discipline For Children?

A more definitive question would be: "How should spanking be used as discipline for children?" When clearly defined guidelines are practiced, spanking is both effective and biblical. It is possible to be too strict. For that reason, parents need to establish a balance between two requirements: consistency in enforcing good behavior, while obeying God's command that we love our children. "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death" (Proverbs 23:13-14, NLT). Spanking is an act of parental love established to change a child's behavior.

Children respond to the world differently from an adult. A child develops within boundaries that need to be filled with parental love. It is important that children learn the consequences of crossing those boundaries when they rebel or disregard authority. As adults, we realize that the purpose of a speeding ticket is to get our attention and to restrain our behavior. Children learn that the reason for their discipline is to get their attention and to change their behavior.

How effective is spanking as a discipline for children when parents are angry? The purpose of spanking is not for parents to express their anxiety or frustration. Anger places destructive fear into discipline. ". . .Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:19-20). Spanking is never used to humiliate a child. One parent made a habit of spanking their sons in front of the other brothers. The intent was to illustrate the consequences of disobedience. The results proved ineffective and even caused ridicule and disrespect among the brothers.

Parents who discipline effectively spank on a basis of clearly defined rules, not on their feelings at that particular moment. They spank for acts of disobedience, defiance, and rebellion. Just like a police officer, they do not need to be angry to enforce a rule or law. Effective parenting is accomplished when God's moral laws are enforced. "Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't you will ruin their lives" (Proverbs 19:18, NLT).

How effective is spanking as discipline for children when biblical principles are followed? Spanking is effective as a method of correction when it follows God's Word and also focuses on instruction beyond punishment. Wouldn't it be terrible if God changed His rules daily? Fortunately, God is not vague concerning punishment and sin. Children need clear explanation of the wrong behavior, the reason for the punishment, and your expectations for their future behavior. Focus on positive behavior rather than directing negative attitudes toward children. It helps parents to respond appropriately when the right questions are asked:

• What was wrong about my child's behavior?
• Was the behavior dangerous or sinful? Or was the behavior just a childish, natural response that was inconvenient to me?
• What motivated my child's behavior?
• What is the best method to correct this specific behavior so that I can encourage more positive actions in the future?

How effective is spanking as discipline for children? The Scriptures do not give parents permission or a command to yell at or hit a child. Hitting is an uncontrolled emotional response. Spanking is a calm application of discipline that is appropriate to a specific behavior. Often parents will ask, "How many times do I have to tell you that?" If simply telling a child made them obey, we wouldn't have to repeat ourselves so many times. Spanking is only one tool in disciplining children. Always think beyond the spanking to the goal of long-lasting results of godly obedience.

"Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do" (Ephesians 6:1, NLT).

Source: All About Parenting

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Digitally Dangerous - Rewiring Our Minds

Vishal is a bright high school senior who hopes to study filmmaking in college. There's just one problem: Vishal is rewiring his brain in such a way that he may never enjoy the career he dreams of.

As Matt Richtel reports in the New York Times, like many teens today, Vishal spends a big chunk of his day on his computer--on Facebook, playing video games, creating digital films, or sending text messages to friends.

Richtel writes that the digital world-cell phones and computers-may actually be changing how developing brains work. He notes that many kids do homework at the same time they're texting friends. Others talk on the phone while texting other friends at the same time. And they all spend many hours every week surfing the Internet.

This kind of activity, according to Richtel, means that the brains of kids like Vishal "can become more easily habituated than adult brains to constantly switching tasks-and less able to sustain attention."

In effect, they develop a need for stimulation. That may be why Vishal's grades are not that great, and why he never got around to finishing the one novel he was supposed to read over the summer for school. As he told the Times, on YouTube, "you can get a whole story in six minutes. A book takes so long. I prefer the immediate gratification."

Well, Vishal's right about that. That's precisely, of course, the problem. Too much time online also affects the ability of teens to recall their homework-assuming they managed to get it done in the first place. Researchers in Germany found that kids who play video games not only damage their ability to sleep well, they also affect their capacity to recall vocabulary words. One of the researchers, Markus Dworak, told the Times that he wasn't sure if the problem was the disrupted sleep or "because the intensity of the game experience overrode the brain's recording of the vocabulary" words. Whatever the cause, the result is distracted kids, low grades and unimpressed college admissions staffs.

This is clearly something to be alarmed at. But Christian parents have additional reasons to be concerned. Digital distractions may make it harder to focus on faith.

Not long ago I talked about a terrific new book titled The Anatomy of the Soul, by Christian psychiatrist Curt Thompson. Dr. Thompson describes how the classic spiritual disciplines of prayer, meditation, fasting, confession, and study all foster the development of our minds; they help us to encounter God, relate to others, and increase our attentiveness.

Clearly, spending too much time in the digital world, which hurts our ability to focus, is going to make it hard to engage in spiritual disciplines, which require concentration. And our minds will not develop as God intended them to.

We need to share this information with the people in our lives who are seemingly addicted to text messaging, video games, social networking, and the like. Young people need to know that excessive time online may harm, not only their ability to perform academically, but also their capacity to worship the Lord and interact with His people.

And we all need to remember that we were born wired to connect-not with machines, but with a holy God. (Breakpoint)

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Effective Discipleship

• Practice spiritual disciplines. Read the bible daily, confess and repent of your sins and pray for the lost. Your relationship with Christ is a priority and the key to effectively discipling others.

• Remain conservative in your ethics. Remember that pride can be dangerous. Pride may imply that you are judging others falsely, and is said to be the mother of all sins, because pride resides in each one of us.

• Lead by example. "Do as I say, not as I do" is not an effective way to disciple someone. Make sure your life is worthy of emulating.

• Be patient with people who anger you. Forgive those who may have hurt you. You must learn to love your enemies and teach others to do them same. God loves everyone, and we all need to, also. Say farewell to selective loving. If you have a hard time loving your enemies, pray to God for help. Teach anyone you are discipling the importance of forgiveness.

• Be there. Many times the simple act of letting someone know that they can call on you for help, advice and prayer at any time can make a difference in their life. Be sure to use wisdom and discernment to keep healthy boundaries. But letting someone know you care and are there, can go a long way.

• Admonish with grace. Being harsh, rude and "in your face" only tear people down. Be understanding and try to help people through their struggles and faults with love and wisdom. Remember you, too, were once a sinner saved by grace.

• Be a humble servant. We read in Mark 10:43-44 "Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all." Our attitude should be that of a servant of Christ and we should live this out by serving those around us.

• Put Christ first in all things. As disciples of Christ we need to be set apart from the world. Our focus should be on our Lord and pleasing Him in every area of our lives. We must put off self-centeredness and put on Christ-centeredness.

• Try to see the perspectives (point of view) of others, even if you personally disagree with them.

• Be accountable. Have an accountability partner you can turn to for encouragement and wisdom and to discuss any weaknesses you may be encountering. Accountability is being responsible for one's own actions. You may not be able to share everything with your disciple, even though they may share a lot with you, but you should find someone you can discuss your struggles with to help maintain your integrity.

Source: Charisma

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Building Your Child’s Faith Foundation

As a parent, you are the first step toward your child’s faith development and trust in God. What you do, how you interact with your child, and the example you set will impact your child’s faith development.

The first step to shaping our children’s spiritual development is understanding that spiritual life is integrated with all of life. We cannot separate emotional, spiritual, and social development from other parts of life. If we do, we miss the message that God gave us about teaching His ways to our children:

“These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, promised you. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:1-9).

Parents are often burdened because they know it is their responsibility to be their child’s primary spiritual leader, but they are not sure how to bridge the gap from knowing they need to fill that role and actually doing something about it. When parents can see that building the bridge to God is actually just communicating with their child and connecting God to daily living, the job becomes more doable and less frightening. So, how we can connect God to daily events and build strong spiritual foundations for our children?

Consider Your Walk with God
The first thing to remember is that you can’t give away something you don’t possess. To teach spiritual truths to your child, you must have a personal relationship with God. Then, as in the passage from Deuteronomy, when your child asks about spiritual matters, you’ll have your own faith story to tell. Telling one’s own story is the most natural thing in the world for people to do. If you are unsure about how to teach your child spiritual truths, work on your own spiritual life – and then share it with your child.

For example, if you have an active prayer life, then you can share from your own experience when your child has a problem: "I understand, Davie. I know what it is like to have a problem that you don’t know how to solve. You know what I do when that happens to me? I ask God to help me and show me the way. The other day at work I was really struggling, and…" In this way, you are doing what Moses said. You are talking about God and His truths as you sit at home or walk along the road. You don’t need to be a Bible scholar to teach your child about God. You just need to share your knowledge and your own spiritual experiences with your child.

Create Teachable Moments
Through various experiences, you have learned what is important in a relationship with God. To create opportunities for teaching your child spiritual truths, think in terms of three: you, your child, and God. For example, in the above illustration, if Davie is facing a problem at school, you can share your experience of asking God to help when you’ve faced problems. Then you can pray together. “Davie, let’s pray now. Let’s ask God to help you when you have to go back into that situation.” By doing this, you’re showing your child that your faith in God is real.

The same is true about the Bible. Show your child how the Bible applies to everyday life: “Let me show you what I read when I feel that way, Davie.” If we integrate Scripture into real life, then we are showing our children that living God’s ways are the ways to a prosperous life.

Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,” takes on much more meaning in the context of a recent squabble with a playmate than it does in a Sunday School lesson. “Davie, here is what I have learned that helps us make and keep friends. If you want to have friends, you need to…"

Build Strong Spiritual Foundations
A child’s basic belief about who he is and how he fits into the world is developed during the first six years of life. By meeting your child’s basic developmental needs of love and guidance, you help your child learn important qualities about God.

Love — Show your child that love is the most important aspect of our lives with each other, as well as with God. Make sure your child feels your love, and make sure you communicate that God loves him more than anything. Then, when a teachable moment arrives, take time to ask, "How can you love Susie like God loves you?" Your child also need to hear often, "God loves you, and so do I."

Responsibility — Responsibility is taught repeatedly in the Bible, and parents feel that teaching responsibility is one of their greatest tasks. Teach it not with guilt and shame, but with reality consequences and discipline. Tie responsibility to real life. When you teach your child that if he doesn’t do his chores he will miss a ballgame or favorite television program, you are teaching him about responsibility. You can begin to let your child see that God expects right choices and also has consequences for disobedience.

Forgiveness — Teach your child to own her actions when she is wrong. Help her learn to say, "I am sorry." And when she is the one wronged, teach her to forgive.

Diligent use of talents and resources — In the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30), we are shown that no matter how much or how little we have, we must be responsible with our resources. Give your child opportunity to learn appropriate use of her abilities and talents. If your child gets an allowance, begin the teach the concept of the tithe by helping her set aside 10 percent as offering to the church. In doing this, you are teaching her the basics of becoming a "good and faithful servant."

Reverence for creation — A walk in the park, a full moon, twinkling stars, and sunny days are opportunities to remind a child that God is the Creator of all things. Spontaneously thanking God by saying, "Thank You, God, for the beautiful sunset" teaches a child that worshiping God is not limited to inside the church.

Laying a spiritual foundation is one of the most incredible responsibilities for parents. From research we know that if people are not reached for Jesus in childhood, they are much less likely to follow Jesus in adulthood. It is never too early to begin building your child’s faith foundation.

First, understand that you must possess a spiritual life of your own in order to pass one on to your child. Second, realize that faith must be authentic and real, lived out in daily life. Finally, remember to be loving and kind, not guild-laden, authoritarian, or heavy-handed. By focusing on these three things, you can give your child the best gift you could ever give him: a strong start to his faith development.


By Dr. Henry Cloud | Source: www.lifeway.com

Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist and the co-founder of Cloud-Townsend Communications in Southern California.

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14 Ways to Help Your Child Build Friendships

Whether your child is shy, has moved to a new area, or is struggling to make friends, you can help! While you cannot create or sustain your child’s friendships for her, you can teach her about and encourage her to employ skills, behaviors, and attitudes that are more likely to lead to friendships.

1. Encourage and assist your child in finding an interest that he enjoys. Whether it is baseball, orienteering, collecting trains, tap dancing, or playing the piano, participating in an activity can build your child’s self-confidence, give him a sense of identification, and provide a common interest he can share with others.

2. Nurture your child to be empathetic. If your child is unkind or if he observes another person being unkind, process with him how others’ feelings may be hurt. Try asking: "How would you feel if someone said that to you?"

3. Teach your child to take an interest in others. When playing together, have him ask his friend what games he likes to play or about his favorite toy.

4. Provide opportunities for your child to play with a peer. You control your child’s social calendar. Set up a successful playdate by noticing who your child talks about from school or church and ask if he would like to have a playdate with him. Keep the initial playdate short and planned around activities that your child enjoys.

5. Let your child observe your interaction with your friends. As a parent, you not only give instructions about how to relate to others but you also serve as an example.

6. Teach your child social graces such as smiling and saying "hello," "please," and "thank you." Children are more comfortable around others who are friendly.

7. Nurture your child’s self-esteem and confidence. Affirm his positive qualities and abilities. Let him know that he is a likable person.

8. Encourage your child to reach out to the child who is shy in Sunday School or to invite a new child over to play. Children often make friends by association — those who sit next to them in class and like the same things. Challenge your child to make friends with the "new kid" who likes to draw rather than play soccer.

9. Make the biblical value of treating others the way you want to be treated a standard in your home. Doing so will carry over into your child’s friendships. Discourage an attitude of superiority.

10. Teach your child how to approach a group that is playing. Children who successfully interact with peers avoid tactics that are disruptive or that draw attention to themselves. Teach your child to observe what the group is doing, engage in eye contact with a child in the group, make a group-oriented statement about what the group is doing, and then ask if he may join in the play.

11. Talk to your child about the experiences he has with his peers. Consider not just the actual experience but how your child perceived it and the emotions that followed.

12. Encourage your child to form positive expectations about future social encounters. What does your child expect from his peers? Research has shown that children who are taught to be positive going into a new situation are better liked by play partners. [Marlene J. Sandstrom, Antonius H.N. Cillessen, and Abbey Eisenhower, "Children’sf Appraisal of Peer Rejection Experiences," Social Development 12 no. 4 (April 2003)]

13. Help your child work through negative experiences. Repeated negative social experiences may lead a child to deal differently with social information. The child may ignore a positive interchange with a peer because it does not fit the beliefs he has formed about relating. When you notice a child interpreting a positive experience as negative, help him to process his thoughts and not make automatic judgments.

14. Teach your child to be a "detective" and to examine negative encounters. Sometimes children intentionally are unfriendly to peers. However, even as adults, it is easy to assume that every negative interaction is a personal rejection. Perhaps the other child was upset about something and that is why he did not want to play.


By Amy Ivey Source: http://www.lifeway.com/

Amy Ivey has a Ph.D. in Psychology and Counseling from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. She is a stay-at-home mom and a freelance writer. She and her husband, Keith, are the proud parents of Jacob, Katharine, Laura, and John Mark.

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12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child

Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I’ve never been one of these parents, but I have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child.

1. Point them to Christ.
Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them—and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions—is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is.

2. Pray.
Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping him for.

3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.
If your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend everything is fine.
For every unbelieving child, the details will be different. Each one will require parents to reach out in unique ways. Never acceptable, however, is not reaching out at all. If your child is an unbeliever, don’t ignore it. Holidays might be easier, but eternity won’t be.

4. Don’t expect them to be Christ-like.
If your son is not a Christian, he’s not going to act like one.
You know that he has forsaken the faith, so don’t expect him to live by the standards you raised him with. For example, you might be tempted to say, “I know you’re struggling with believing in Jesus, but can’t you at least admit that getting wasted every day is sin?”
If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, then there is very little significance in admitting that drunkenness is wrong. You want to protect him, yes. But his unbelief is the most dangerous problem—not partying. No matter how your child’s unbelief exemplifies itself in his behavior, always be sure to focus more on the heart’s sickness than its symptoms.

5. Welcome them home.
Because the deepest concern is not your child’s actions, but his heart, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. Obviously there are some instances in which parents must give ultimatums: “Don’t come to this house if you are...” But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by too many rules.
If your daughter smells like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she’s pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her twenty-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you’ve been forgiven, don’t give him any more money, and let him come home. If he hasn’t been around for a week and a half because he’s been staying at his girlfriend’s—or boyfriend’s—apartment, plead with him not to go back, and let him come home.

6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.
Be gentle in your disappointment.
What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is. So she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.
Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Parents ought to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that they want their child to return to.

7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them.
There are two kinds of access that you may not have to your child: geographical and relational. If your wayward son lives far away, try to find a solid believer in his area and ask him to contact your son. This may seem nosy or stupid or embarrassing to him, but it’s worth it—especially if the believer you find can also relate to your son emotionally in a way you can’t.
Relational distance will also be a side effect of your child leaving the faith, so your relationship will be tenuous and should be protected if at all possible. But hard rebuke is still necessary.
This is where another believer who has emotional access to your son may be very helpful. If there is a believer who your son trusts and perhaps even enjoys being around, then that believer has a platform to tell your son—in a way he may actually pay attention to—that he’s being an idiot. This may sound harsh, but it’s a news flash we all need from time to time, and people we trust are usually the only ones who can package a painful rebuke so that it is a gift to us.
A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools—and it is rare that this can helpfully be pointed out by their parents—so try to keep other Christians in your kids lives.

8. Respect their friends.
Honor your wayward child in the same way you’d honor any other unbeliever. They may run with crowds you’d never consider talking to or even looking at, but they are your child’s friends. Respect that—even if the relationship is founded on sin. They’re bad for your son, yes. But he’s bad for them, too. Nothing will be solved by making it perfectly evident that you don’t like who he’s hanging around with.
When your son shows up for a family birthday celebration with another girlfriend—one you’ve never seen before and probably won’t see again—be hospitable. She’s also someone’s wayward child, and she needs Jesus, too.

9. Email them.
Praise God for technology that lets you stay in your kids’ lives so easily!
When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation for them is positive examples of Christ’s joy in your own life.
Don’t stress out when you’re composing these as if each one needs to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out one after another, and let the cumulative effect of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child’s inbox. God’s word is never proclaimed in vain.

10. Take them to lunch.
If possible, don’t let your only interaction with your child be electronic. Get together with him face to face if you can. You may think this is stressful and uncomfortable, but trust me that it’s far worse to be in the child’s shoes—he is experiencing all the same discomfort, but compounded by guilt. So if he is willing to get together with you for lunch, praise God, and use the opportunity.
It will feel almost hypocritical to talk about his daily life, since what you really care about is his eternal life, but try to anyway. He needs to know you care about all of him. Then, before lunch is over, pray that the Lord will give you the gumption to ask about his soul. You don’t know how he’ll respond. Will he roll his eyes like you’re an idiot? Will he get mad and leave? Or has God been working in him since you talked last? You don’t know until you risk asking.

(Here’s a note to parents of younger children: Set up regular times to go out to eat with your kids. Not only will this be valuable for its own sake, but also, if they ever enter a season of rebellion, the tradition of meeting with them will already be in place and it won’t feel weird to ask them out to lunch. If a son has been eating out on Saturdays with his dad since he was a tot, it will be much harder for him later in life to say no to his father’s invitation—even as a surly nineteen-year-old.)

11. Take an interest in their pursuits.
Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will probably disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was ten; what can you do now that she’s twenty to show that you still really care about her interests?
Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and he wasn’t even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to that dank little nightclub where your daughter’s CD release show is. Encourage her and never stop praying that she will begin to use her gifts for Jesus’ glory instead her own.

12. Point them to Christ.
This can’t be over-stressed. It is the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn’t to help them know Jesus.
It’s not so that they will be good kids again; it’s not so that they’ll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it’s not so that they’ll like classical music instead of deathcore; it’s not so that you can stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study; it’s not so that they’ll vote conservative again by the next election; it’s not even so that you can sleep at night, knowing they’re not going to hell.
The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, email them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Christ.
And not only is he the only point—he’s the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He will replace the pathetic vanity of the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the orgasm that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only his grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to himself—captive, but satisfied.

Be faithful and don’t give up.

By Abraham Piper | Sumber: Desiring God

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How to Be a Refuge for Your Children

In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)

If Daddy is afraid, where can a little child turn? Daddy's are supposed to be safe. They are supposed to know what to do and how to solve problems and fix things and, most of all, protect the children from harm. But what happens if a child sees fear in Daddy's face? What if Daddy is as scared as the child, and doesn't know what to do? Then the child is utterly distraught and feels panic. He feels that the one strong and good and reliable place of safety is no longer safe.

But if Daddy is confident, then the children have a refuge. If Daddy is not panicking, but calm and steady, all the walls can come tumbling down, and all the waves can break, and all the snakes can hiss and the lions roar and the wind blow, and there will still be a safe place in Daddy's arms. Daddy is a refuge, as long as Daddy is confident.

That's why Proverbs 14:26 says that "his children will have a refuge," if Daddy has a "strong confidence." Daddy's confidence is the refuge of his children. Dads, the battle to be confident is not just about us, it is about the security of our children. It is about their sense of security and happiness. It's about whether they grow up fretful or firm in faith. Until children can know God in a deep personal way, we are the image and the embodiment of God in their lives. If we are confident and reliable and safe for them, they will be much more likely to cleave to God as their refuge when the storms break over them later.

So how shall we have "strong confidence"? After all, we, too, are little children, clay pots, weak and broken and battling anxieties and doubts. Is the solution to put on the best show we can and hide our true selves? That will lead to ulcers at best, and God-dishonoring teenager-repelling duplicity at worst. That is not the answer.
Proverbs 14:26 gives another answer: "In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence." This is very strange. It says that the solution to fear is fear. The solution to timidity is fear. The solution to uncertainty is fear. The solution to doubt is fear.

How can this be?
Part of the answer is that the "fear of the Lord" means fearing to dishonor the Lord. Which means fearing to distrust the Lord. Which means fearing to fear anything that the Lord has promised to help you overcome. In other words the fear of the Lord is the great fear destroyer.

If the Lord says, "Fear not, I am with you, be not dismayed, I will help you," (Isaiah 41:10), then it is a fearful thing to worry about the problem he says he will help you with. Fearing that problem when he says, "Fear not, I will help you, is a vote of no confidence against God's word, and that is a great dishonor to God. And the fear of the Lord trembles at such dishonoring God.

If the Lord says, "I will never fail you nor forsake you," so you can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid; what can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:5-6) - if the Lord says that to you, then not to be confident in the Lord's promised presence and help is a kind of pride. It puts our reckoning of the trouble above God's. That is why we read the amazing words of the Lord in Isaiah 51:12, "I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies And of the son of man who is made like grass?" Who are you to fear man, when God has promised to help you? So it is pride to fear man. And pride is the exact opposite of the fear of God.

So, yes, the Proverb is true and a great help to us. Fear God, dads. Fear God. Fear dishonoring him. Fear distrusting him. Fear putting your assessment of the problem above his. He says he can help. He is smarter. He is stronger. He is more generous. Trust him. Fear not to trust him.

Why? He works for those who wait for him (Isaiah 64:4). He will solve the problem. He will rescue the family. He will take care of the little ones. He will meet your needs. Fear not believing that. Then your children will have a refuge. They will have a Daddy who "has strong confidence" - not in himself, but in the promises of God, which he trembles not to trust.

By John Piper | Source: Desiring God Blog

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Raising Children Who Hope in the Triumph of God

Let's think for a moment about the word "Lord" at the end of Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Confessing That Jesus Is Lord
Lord is an extremely exalted title as Paul uses it. In Philippians 2:9-11 he says that "God has highly exalted him and given him a name which is above every name that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

To say that Jesus is "Lord" means:
• that he is the rightful King of the universe,
• that he is ruler over all the world,
• that he is the commander of all the armies of heaven and of all his Christian soldiers on the earth,
• that he is now reigning until he has put all his enemies under his feet,
• that he is triumphant over sin and death and pain and Satan and hell, and
• that he will one day establish his kingdom of righteousness and joy on the earth and reign forever and ever to the glory of his Father.

To confess that Jesus is Lord means that you believe that he will triumph over all things. He is not a small-town god. He is more powerful than Reagan and Gorbachev and Hatcher and Khomeni and Kadafy and all the other leaders of the world put together. He will come in triumph. And when he comes, he will be just as visible and real in Minneapolis as Michael Jackson at the Met Center, only his audience will be bigger, and his band will be louder, and his laser will be like lightning from one horizon to the other, and when his concert is over, all the evil and unbelief in the world will be gone, and those who followed him will live and play and work as happy as a child could ever be forever and ever.

Therefore I conclude that whatever else it means to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord—the King and Commander and Ruler of all things—it means this:
• Bring the children up to hope in the triumph of God.
• Bring them up to find their place in the triumphant cause of the Lord Christ.
• Bring them up to see everything in relation to the triumph of God.
• Bring them up to know that the path of sin is a dead end street no matter how many cool and famous people are on it, because the cause of righteousness will triumph in the end. Christ has already struck the decisive blow on Good Friday and Easter morning.

The Family in God's Great Design for the World
I confess that I have gotten very excited about being a father as I have been thinking this week about what a family is and what it's for in God's great design for the world. I get excited
• when I think of the family as a breeding ground for children who hope in the triumph of God,
• or when I think of it as a training school for teaching what is true and false about what the world is really coming to,
• or when I think of it as a boot camp for fitting out young soldiers of Christ for the greatest combat of the world,
• or when I think of it as a fortress for protection or a hospital for healing or a supply depot for replenishing the troops or a retreat center for R and R,
• and I get especially excited when I think of the family as a launching pad for missiles of missionary zeal aimed at the unreached peoples of the world.

Instilling in Our Children a Vision of God's Triumph
Paul says, "Don't provoke your children to anger." What does he mean? He doesn't mean don't cross their will. He doesn't mean don't deny their desires. He means don't cross their will for no good purpose. Don't deny their desires without making it a part of some great vision of God's purposes in the world. Show your children something great to live for, so that when you cross their will and deny their desire, it's because you are fitting them for some great purpose of God!

Anger comes from feeling that a parent's rules are petty and trivial—that they don't have anything to do with something really great or important. But a child who sees that the rules of the home and their consistent enforcement are connected to some great vision of life and some great cause to live for will not harbor resentment toward their parents. They will be like young soldiers who may complain now and then about the toughness of the training but would die any day with the captain, because the cause he stands for is so great. Parents who don't see discipline as part of some great vision of what their children might become for God will wind up using discipline to increase their own private comfort. And children will see that and eventually become angry.

So I think it is in the spirit and wording of our text today to say that the great challenge for parents is to give their children a vision of God's triumph in the world, and to instill in them the thrilling hope of fighting on the side of truth and righteousness and joy and victory.

Ten Basic Ways to Instill This Vision
What then should we do? Well, sometimes it helps just to remind ourselves of the obvious things we so easily neglect. That's what I want to do. And I hope that it stirs us all up to be really radical Christians.

1. Make All of Life God-Saturated
The first thing parents need to do to raise children who hope in the triumph of God is to make all of life God-saturated.

I can remember the blankets that were on my bed when I was a little boy. There was a green one and there was a gold one. They were identical except for the color. And that's good because what mattered to me was not the color but the soft, smooth, silky edge. I used to snuggle down, pull the covers up around my neck, and then find that soft two-inch silky border of the blanket and hold it between my fingers as I went to sleep. The softness and smoothness and coolness of it made me feel secure and happy.

I think of that blanket now as a picture of the way a lot of church people treat God. He is the soft, smooth, comfortable border of their lives. He is not woven all through life. He is there on Sunday in a kind of external way. And he is there in times of crisis and trouble. But he is not pervasive. Life is not saturated with God.

He makes no difference in how much TV the family watches or what they watch. He makes no difference in whether the music in the home edifies the spirit or drags it down. He makes no difference in what the family does on the Lord's Day to keep it holy. He makes no difference in the disciplines of eating and exercising and sleeping. He makes no difference in what kind of car or house or clothes or furniture they buy. He just seems to be irrelevant most of the time.

And kids of course know this. And they draw from it the obvious conclusion—God is nothing very relevant to my life, and the cause of Christ is nothing great and all-consuming. God is not exciting enough to build your whole life around. He is a kind of necessary evil to be tolerated on Sunday but a dispensable drag on Monday through Friday. You can read this pretty easily from the kids that come from such homes.

So the first thing we must do is to be radical Christians—or I should say, simply, real Christians. We should saturate all our daily life with God. He should be the source and goal of all our acts. "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31). The children will see it and by God's grace will believe that the triumph of God is the greatest thing in the world.

2. Pray
That triumph comes only by grace and only in answer to prayer. Prayer is the first and fundamental way that we join forces with God in his victory over sin and evil and unbelief. And so the second thing we must do as parents is pray for our children and teach them to pray.

We need to pour our hearts out in secret where none but God knows what we say, pleading for the salvation and holiness and perseverance of our children. And our Father who sees in secret will reward us.

We need to pray in the presence of our children so that they can hear our longings and read our hearts and learn themselves to pray. And we need to pray with our children so that they have a chance to pray in a loving environment.

How many great men have testified to the power of their father's and their mother's prayers. Augustus Strong, who was a Baptist seminary president at the end of the nineteenth century and who wrote a systematic theology still in print wrote in his autobiography: "One of the earliest things I remember is [my mother] taking me into a dimly lighted closet every Saturday afternoon after the day's work was done and kneeling with me beside a chest while she taught me how to pray. I remember her suggesting to me the thoughts and, when I could not command the words, her putting into my mouth the very words, of prayer. I shall never forget how, one day, as I had succeeded in uttering some poor words of my own, I was surprised by drops falling upon my face. They were my mother's tears. My mother's teaching me how to pray has given me ever since my best illustration of the Holy Spirit's influence in prayer. When we know not what to pray for as we ought, he, with more than a mother's skill and sympathy, helps our infirmities and makes intercession within us while Christ makes intercession for us before the throne." (p. 80)

3. Demonstrate the Importance of the Bible
The third thing we must do to raise up children who hope in the triumph of God is make the Bible the most important book in their lives.

William Quayle, a great old Methodist preacher from 60 years ago, looked back on his parents' home and said, "I would rather have been the son of a woman and a man, who in their penury could not leave to the child of their love . . . anything but a Bible, than to have been descended from all the majesties of history" (William Alfred Quayle, by M. S. Rice, 1928, p. 31).

I just read yesterday a little article by William Frankena who teaches philosophy in the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. He said that when he was a boy, his father read at least one chapter from the Bible after every meal and that they finished the Bible every year for 16 years.

Most of us are so afraid of a little resistance from our children that we set very small goals by the standards of our ancestors. After years of reading systematically through books of the Bible, we are working on memorizing verses this year at the breakfast table. We have memorized 29 verses so far this year.

We need to help our children feel what Eugene Nida just wrote this month in a summary of his life as a Bible consultant for Bible translating around the world. He said, "Another important privilege [of this work] was to realize that the message of the Holy Scriptures is certainly the most important and meaningful message for the modern day. [Do our kids see this conviction in our use of the Bible?] To see how an intelligible, clear translation of the Scriptures could have a transforming effect upon a psychologically distraught hippie, upon a self-satisfied and smug intellectual, and upon a depressed and oppressed Indian community in the Andes made me realize that there is no real substitute for this good news." ("My Pilgrimage in Mission," IBMR, Ap 1988, p. 62)

We must show our children that this book is the most important book in our lives and that it contains the answers to life's greatest questions and that it is the battle plan for the triumph of God.

There is so much more to say about what we must be as parents if we are to raise up children who hope in the triumph of God and who throw their lives into the great cause of Christ.

4. Be Living Examples of Faith
If we had time, we would talk of the need to be living examples of faith and hope for our children in very practical ways. And I would tell you stories about how my father was totally dependent for our livelihood on invitations from churches to preach, but how he said, when there were big holes in his schedule, that God would provide for those who trust him. He believed it. And it never occurred to me as his son to doubt God's word or my father's faith that God will always triumph.

5. Be Happy
We would talk about the need to be happy lest our children get the impression that the triumph of God would be the triumph of gloom.

6. Discipline
We would talk about the need for firm, no-nonsense corporal discipline and recall what it did in the life of Amy Carmichael to fit her, as Elizabeth Elliot says, "for the buffettings she would have to endure" on the way to the triumph of God.

7. Be Humble and Willing to Apologize
We would talk about humility and the willingness to apologize to our children, and show them that the cross can triumph even over a dad's mistakes.

8. Worship Together
We would talk about the need to worship together so that the children can see mom and dad praise God and bow in reverence and cherish the preaching of God's Word, and get a foretaste of what it will be when the Lord comes in triumph at the end of the age.

9. Uphold Standards of Everyday Holiness
And we would talk about standards of everyday holiness without which no one will see the Lord. Standards of sexual purity, and financial integrity, and rigorous truthfulness, and self-control, and hard work—what it means in practical everyday terms to be on the side of the justice and grace that will someday triumph over all evil.

10. Love
And finally we would talk about love. Parents loving children and children learning to love—learning that in the end everything is in vain without love, that in the world love is the visible expression of faith in the triumph of God, that in the soul love no matter what it costs is the way of joy.

Our great challenge from Family Week is to be the kind of church and the kind of parents that raise up children—old and young—who hope in the triumph of God.

By John Piper | Source: Desiring God Blog

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10 Ways to Help Kids Love Missions

There are things we can do to help our kids love the nations and the cause of Christ, even though a heart and calling for the Great Commission is ultimately something only God can grant. Here are a few ideas from Ryan and Anna, who are currently preparing to serve in Asia with their two young daughters.

1. Pray for missionaries as a family. We keep a stack of prayer cards on the dinner table and rotate through them during mealtime prayers.

2. Read missionary biographies to your children. The stories of Hudson Taylor, Adoniram Judson, William Carey, Gladys Aylward, and other missionary pioneers are captivating ways to orient a child’s heart on the most important things in life.

3. Draw the whole family into supporting missionaries financially. Teach your kids from a young age that being a good steward of their money involves channeling resources toward the the cause of Christ in missions. Older kids can donate some of their lawn mowing and babysitting money. Younger children can earn money doing chores around the house which can be set aside for missionaries.

4. Find your child a missionary kid pen pal. Many children of missionaries around the world would be delighted to get mail from a child their age in their parent’s culture. Your child (and the whole family) will learn valuable insights about living abroad through the eyes of a child. Additionally, when the missionaries visit your church, your child will already have a relationship with the MK and will be able to include them more easily.

5. Entertain missionaries in your home. Inviting missionaries over will be as much of a blessing to your family as to the missionaries. Host them for dinner or for a whole furlough. Build or buy your house with this in mind.

6. Take risks as a family. There are ways to live life which help children grasp the reality that discomfort and suffering are normal and rewarding parts of the Christian experience. Volunteer at a rescue mission; house a single mother; move to the inner-city.

7. Affirm and nurture qualities in your children which could serve them on the mission field. As your children grow in knowledge and skill, encourage them to think about how they could use their gifts in missions work. Then, if God says, “go,” release them to go!

8. Teach your children to be world Christians. Don't expose them to only the American perspective on news and realities around the world. Go out of your way to make them more aware than the average American Christian about geography, world history, and the plights and perspectives of people across the globe.

9. Read missionary prayer letters to your children. Ask them questions about the content and look up facts about the missionaries’ location on the Internet.

10. Use missions fact books and resources such as Operation World, the Global Prayer Digest, the Joshua Project, and Voice of the Martyrs (VOM). Kids of Courage is the youth-oriented arm of VOM and offers activity books, spotlights on the persecuted world, and more.

Most of all, pray every day that your kids will develop hearts that mirror God’s compassion for the nations and love for his glory in them!

By Tia | Source: Desiring God Blog

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Raising Honest Kids

Every day some headline screams out details of the latest scandal: A best-selling author's accused of plagiarism; a leading coach fudges on his résumé; a corporate executive's caught embezzling funds. Is it any wonder our kids are confused about truth? Why shouldn't they lie? It seems as though everyone else does!
A nationwide teen character study released by the nonprofit Joseph & Edna Josephson Institute of Ethics found 7 in 10 students surveyed admitted to cheating on a test at least once in the past year, and nearly half said they'd done so more than once. Overall the Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth disclosed that 92 percent of the 8,600 students surveyed lied to their parents. In addition, 78 percent said they'd lied to a teacher, and more than 1 in 4 said they'd probably lie to get a job.

Our culture's standard for integrity seems to be: It doesn't matter if you shade the truth as long as no one gets hurt and you don't get caught. God's standard is: Do what's right even when no one is looking and no one will find out. What can we do to raise kids with God's standard for integrity? Here are six suggestions:

Model Honesty.
I'm often tempted to exaggerate. But in striving to raise honest kids, I've had to face my weakness. I've asked my children to tell me if I'm exaggerating. On more than one occasion, they have! It's so easy to exaggerate or use "white lies" for convenience's sake, such as requesting your child tell a telephone caller you're not home when you are.
What's the trend in your behavior? Is it toward absolute honesty or deception? God's Word says, "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much" (Luke 16:10). Kids see adult role models as examples of what it takes to get ahead in the real world.

Don't Blame Others.
One day when I was potty training our twins, I noticed Libby had a strange look on her face and was walking awkwardly. "Libby," I asked, "did you wet your pants?" "No, Mommy," she replied. "Susy did it!"
I burst out laughing, but her response is a typical refrain in a house-hold with young children. When something goes wrong, our natural instinct is to blame others—our boss, our parents, our circumstances, our friends. Teach your child that in the final analysis, she is responsible for her own behavior.

Discipline Lying.
Talk with your children about complete honesty. Make sure they understand lying means big punishment. We've always prayed that if our kids do anything wrong, they'll get caught. Often they are! If your child's caught in a lie, don't bail him out. Walk with him in his punishment, but let him suffer the consequences of his actions. Take time to talk about the importance of honesty. Getting caught can be a blessing, although your child won't see that at the moment!

Praise Integrity.
Tell your kids the most important thing they can do is to tell the truth. Then, when they do, praise them for it. Remind them that no one can take away their integrity. You may lose your health, money, possessions, and friends, but you always can remain honest, and this gives you self-respect.

Follow the Right Standard.
"Students seem to decide for themselves what constitutes cheating. If their work's tedious or holds little meaning for them, then copying others' work isn't really cheating," a popular high-school teacher recently lamented.
The Washington Post reported that a 2002 poll showed more Americans than ever say that cheating a little on taxes is acceptable. Television, movies, and videos often wink at lying, cheating, and deception. Yet the apostle Paul says, "Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully" (Ephesians 4:25). We must look to God's Word as our standard, not to other people.

Keep Growing.
I want to be a person of integrity; that means I seek to be honest and consistent in all my attitudes and actions. But what happens when I fail? How can I then expect my children to live up to my standards—isn't that hypocritical?
I've learned hypocrisy isn't caused by high standards, but by parents who wink at the standards while insisting their children adhere to them. Integrity means maintaining high standards while acknowledging failure and seeking to grow.
Raising honest kids begins in the home, and it begins in my life and in yours. So ask God, "Show me where I'm not being completely truthful, and give me the strength to change."

By Susan Alexander Yates | Source: Today's Christian Woman

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